The Same Conversation

I keep getting into the same conversation.  It’s a conversation about *ism in the geek community, and why I (usually as part of the monolithic “feminists”) feel obligated to criticize a work (game, movie, book).  Why, if I don’t like it, I can’t just ignore it, avoid it, put it down, and buy something I like.

So here’s a dirty little secret for you.  I like geek things.

Let’s let that sink in.

I like geek things.  I want to sit around a table and roll dice and pretend to be a princess or a bard or a thief.  I want to go watch movies with dragons and balrogs and space ships and FTL travel (and if you know of a movie that has all those things, let me know).  I want to rock out to people like MC Chris.

So why do I criticize this stuff?  Why do I call this out?

Because I love this stuff.  I love high fantasy, and I love sci-fi, and I love cyberpunk, and I love alternate realities where there are still dinosaurs.  But the place at the geek table that is made for me is still so small I don’t fit in it.  I get to pull up a chair and sit right outside the conversation.  I get told that when I play a video game that has the option to play a woman character, that should be enough.  I shouldn’t want that character to reflect what I look like, what I sound like, what my hopes and fears and motivations are.

And I’m tired of it.  I love you geek culture and I’m tired of you telling me you will only love me back if I comply with the place you’ve already made for me.  So I fight.  I push and shove and criticize and point out where  the cracks are.  Because I want you to show me you love me too, not just tell me that it’s okay if I hang out.

So I keep getting in the same conversation.

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